SYL Challenge Week 10 - Facing Fears

I can remember during a team building session at work a few years ago, we had to write down qualities we admired in each other. Someone wrote down they thought I was 'fearless'. Now, I wouldn't have describe myself as fearless. A few years ago I would have considered myself as confident, but not fearless. 


Honesty, loyalty and harmony are very important to me. Several years ago something happened at work that rocked my me in a way I would not have thought possible. I was in a management role and I thought I was affiliative,  friendly, fair and relaxed. I found myself wrongly accused of something pretty serious by two vindictive people I thought liked me. It was massive stab in the back. I was investigated (interrogated) and of course cleared but I was then removed from the job I loved and cast away into no mans land to a crap job with no responsibility. I am still working my way back! 


I went from a person who usually felt confident in most situations and around most people, to a person who was totally fearful and totally lacking in confidence. I was afraid to go to work, afraid to go out of the house, afraid to talk to people, depressed, teary, and thinking everyone was looking at me knowing what had happened. I thought my career was over, that I had been stripped of my skills and reputation and I was totally unable to sell myself in any situation. I was unable to let go of the injustice and still can't. It was an extreme response that I still do not fully understand. 


Very slowly after some counselling and the startling realisation that not every one in this world will like me or treat me well, I began baby steps towards regaining a little confidence. I eventually faced some of my fears and returned to work. I still find myself avoiding certain situations and I don't want to do the social thing with people at work. I have only recently stopped slinking to the cafe in fear of bumping into people I once knew, I now walk with confidence and head high. Time, appropriate help and support, people who love and believe me, and a gentle rebuilding of confidence little by little has helped me to face my fears in this situation and I have learned so very much from this dreadful situation.